746. De Amicitia by Cicero

My best friend, Sarah.

746.  De Amicitia by Cicero.  This is also called the Laelius.  As with any work by Cicero, there is much to learn and in fact the more carefully one reads, the more there is.  The dialogue is a paraphrase, unless otherwise indicated.

When Cicero was a lad his father told him to spend as much time as possible with Q. Mucius Scaevola the Augur.  Cicero did.  Once while listening to the old fellow talk, Cicero recalls that he, Atticus and others were sitting on a curved bench in a garden listening to Scaevola.  At this time Scaevola remembered Laelius, C. Fannius and himself talking about friendship.  Both Scaevola asnd Fannius were sons in law of Laelius.  Laelius was the devoted friend of Publis Cornelius Scipio the Younger.  Scipio had recently died.

So Fannius asks Laelius to explain how he deals with the death of Scipio.  He mentions that everyone knows what a kind and tender person he, Laelius, is.  So how does he deal with this?

Laelius:  If I denied that I missed Scipio, I would not be telling the truth.  But in a way I do not need a remedy, because I find comfort within me.  I lack that mistake by which many are distressed at the death of a friend.  I do not think that an evil has happened to Scipio.  Perhaps it is to me personally but not to him.  To be excessively stressed by the death of a friend is characteristic of someone who loves himself.  What more could a person have accomplished?  He never stood as a candidate for Consul but was elected twice, general, author, friend, etc.  His death took place after a contentious meeting in the Senate and was escorted home by throngs of supporters.

I do not believe that the soul perishes with the body.  But if death of the soul happens at the same time as the body, then there is nothing good in death, nor anything bad.  His death and life were well done.  I am in a greater difficulty by his death but I enjoy the recollection of our friendship.

I was blessed to be his friend privately and publicly.  It brings me great joy to think that our friendship will be remembered for all time.

Fannius:  So please, discuss with us your views on friendship and the precepts and advice you may give.

Scaevola:  Please, do.

Laelius:  I encourage you

ut amicitam omnibus rebus humanis anteponas

“to prefer friendship to all other human matters”

for friendship is ingrained in human nature.  Friendship, though, can only be between good people.

(Laelius wants to discuss real life friendship in terms of stresses, tugs and pulls of real life.  He is not going to discuss friendship in terms the perfection required by Stoic philosophy.)

Those who follow nature as a guide will have those qualities a friend should have.  Nature bonds us to each other in many ways but in friendship it is so narrow that it exists between two or only a few people at a time.  Friendship is the harmony of all human and divine things supported by kindness and affection.  Friends must possess virtue (virtus= the pursuit of excellence as far as those things necessary to be a complete human). Life is only worthwhile when spent in mutual kindness of a friend.  Most goals in life have one simple purpose- money in order to spend, etc. But friendship contains so much more.  It is always there, is shut out of no place, always in season, never a bother.  None of these can be said about money, for example.

If you remove kindness, no city could ever survive, no state can survive, no matter how powerful, when beset by hatred and division.  The audience at a play by M. Pacuvius stood up and cheered when Pylades, to save his friend, Orestes, said that he was Orestes.  But immediately Orestes protested that he was Orestes out of fear for his friend.

The desire for friendship comes about more by nature than by need,  Little in life is more attractive than virtue, even in those we have never seen (as in the play).  Our pursuit of virtue is the bast way to attract friends.  

Hannibal is hated because of his cruelty but Pyrrhus not so fiercely because of his honesty.  If honesty is so attractive, should we be surprised, if we see it in those we spend our life?

If friendship were sought out of weakness to supply what we lack, as some suggest, we would pursue friendship and keep friends only when beneficial.

But if someone possesses virtue and wisdom and carries all in himself, he excels in making friends.  Scipio and I loved each other, because of the virtue each saw in the other.

Although many advantages came about for each of us because of our friendship, the cause of our being friends was not predicated on the hope of advantage.  The profit is in the love itself.  The qualities of each will be enhanced by each other’s goodness.

A friendship based on advantage will be dissolved when the situation has been altered.

(Now Laelius talks about a discussion he and Scipio had on friendship.)

It is not easy for a friendship to last until the end of life, for people change. All kinds of things can damage a friendship.

Laelius:  How far should love go in a friendship?  Think of C. Blossius Cumanus a friend of Tib. Gracchus.  In the aftermath of the struggle with Tiberius, there were a number of prosecutions.  Blossius asked me for forgiveness and support because he, Blossius, in the riots and disturbances of the times, did what he did out of his friendship for Tiberius.  I asked him what he would have done, if he were asked to burn down the Capitolium?  Blossius said that Tiberius would not have asked such a thing, but if he did he would have complied.

We should never ask a friend to do a base thing, nor when asked should we do them.

Examples from history and a critique of those who say that close friendships should be limited or are based on need.  Such friendships

solem enim e mundo tollere videntur ei, qui amicitiam e vita tollunt, qua nihil a dis immortalibus melius habemus, nihil iucundius.

“Those seem to remove the sun from the world who remove friendship from life, than which we have nothing better from the immortal Gods, nothing more pleasant.

Any system of friendship which avoids problems and concerns, virtue must be avoided.  If someone can remove their feelings from friends from their heart, what then would be the difference between this person and a log or a rock?  Deep pain felt for friends is not so strong that it removes friendship from life anymore than virtue should be rejected because it brings concerns and problems. Virtue pulls people together like a light attracts, from this love arises.  This source of friendship is virtus and friendship has been established by nature.  It would not be healthy for a friendship if neither one ever needed the other.

To live like this would be to live like a tyrant.  Friendship with a tyrant can only exist out of fear, need or force.

(If only Caesar or Pompey had taken the following words to heart…)

Ut (Tarquinii) mores veros amicos parare non potuerunt, sic multorum opes praepotentium excludunt amicitias fidelis.

“ Just as the character of Tarquinius was not able to gain true friends, thus the power of many very powerful people exclude loyal friendships.”

What are the limits of friendships?

There are three views:

1.  We should feel about friends the way we do ourselves.

2.  Our kindness to a friend should be based on their kindness to us

3.  The value a friend places on himself should be the value we place on them.

Response:

1.  Many times we do things for a friend which we would never do for ourselves.

2.  This reduces friendship to a system of keeping accounts on a ledger.

3.  This is the worst- some people lack confidence and what these need is to be supported and encouraged.

There is a need for other limits on friendship.  Chose wisely.  Chose those who are of firm character, stable and steady.  Short tests can be used to find out how solid someone is, this can be used to determine who would be loyal.

It is important that one who is superior in rank or power or wealth is equal to an inferior in a friendship.  Friendship is the great leveler.

What about ending a friendship?  Cato the Elder said- if possible the stitches of a friendship should be taken out one by one, not cut away all at once.

Friendship is  a natural quality possessed by humans in the same way humans possess self love.  Good people re-enforce each other’s goodness.

Virtutum amicitia adjutrix a natura data est, non vitiorum comes…

“Friendship has been given by nature as supporter of virtues, not as a companion of vices.”

Virtue alone will not allow a person to achieve what is really important, thus friendship is needed.  Thus effort toward virtue is worthwhile.

Make good judgements about a friend before offering love.  Some people pooh pooh wealth, office, riches, some do not but all feel that life without friendship is nothing.

Avoid being too frank with a friend but avoid being acquiescent.  A rebuke must be done with kindness and the one rebuked must gracefully accept it.  But truth is important because without it, friendship can not flourish.

The key is virtue- with this all comes together.

I enjoy the company of the young and I take comfort in that Scipio will always be with me.